


Finding Tussy

by frieswiththatplease



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2020-07-07 23:23:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19859734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frieswiththatplease/pseuds/frieswiththatplease
Summary: The Doctor has a photograph that he cannot explain, so he visits the only people more adept at solving mysteries than himself. Bill Potts meets Vastra and Jenny for the first time, earns her spot as the fifth honorary member of the Paternoster Gang, and discovers the reason why she is in the middle of a photograph with the two most unlikely men she could meet.





	1. " I come here with important work and all I get is three lesbians screaming at me."

“Okay so, I’ve never been a really… girly kinda girl but, I mean, look at me!”

“Looking.”

“... Sure.”

Bill Potts rolled her eyes at the Doctor, who was too busy sticking his fingers into the TARDIS control panel to notice. She smoothed out the fabric on her beautiful Victorian dress, careful not to pull too hard on the buttons of her coat.

“You just released a gigantic fish out into the ocean in 1814 and you’re fascinated by the dress?”

“I still can’t believe the TARDIS just generates costumes like this. She is one hell of a phonebox.”

“They’re not costumes. They’re clothes. Unless you still can’t wrap your head around the fact that we, I don’t know, travelled _back in time?_ ”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that,” Bill grinned, looking around the TARDIS. “I’ll go off and change, then.”

“You can keep it, you know.”

Bill stopped in her tracks, eager to just take the outfit. It was weirdly comfortable, despite the fact that it involved padded hems and a corset to complete. But Bill also realised she had a habit of picking up too many clothes, and would probably never find enough space in her closet for this ensemble.

“Maybe not, Doc. I probably won’t get a chance to wear it again anyways. Plus, I’ll probably ruin it.”

The Doctor turned to Bill, scowling in his usual manner before slamming the control panel shut and running over to her.

“What date is it?”

“Uh… You’re the one with the time machine.”

The Doctor jerked a screen closer to him. Bill could barely make out the text on it before he swiped the panel away. 

“I almost forgot. I am so stupid! Ok, too tired for another adventure?”

“To where...?”

“Ok, keep your dress on for now, need it for this next trip. You’re gonna love this.”

The Doctor whizzed past Bill, patting her on the shoulder as he set the coordinates for a landing. Bill braced herself, knowing all too well that a trip through the time vortex was never smooth.

“So, what are we going to see?”

“My good friends. You’ll see for yourself. I love them to bits. But we’ve got to speed right on to the 1880s, same century but a bit further forward.”

The Doctor gestured for Bill to open the door, but got too excited and dashed over there himself. Bill could see the outline of a dimly-lit room as the Doctor swung the door open and -

“DOCTOR, WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT BEDROOMS!”

The Doctor slipped back into the TARDIS, slamming the door shut and staring blankly at Bill. Bill could hear loud muffled screams threatening the Doctor with unspeakable acts of violence, added with loud, predatory hisses. 

“Maybe… not a perfect landing?” Bill squeaked, trying to contain her laughter at the sight of the Doctor rubbing his eyes, trying to wipe away the memory of what he just saw. 

“Are we all clear to come in?” Bill shouted to the strangers outside the door. She could tell that the first voice belonged to a woman, so she was shocked to hear another woman respond to her question.

“Give us a minute, will ya?”

Bill poked the Doctor in the shoulder repeatedly. “Wait, it’s two women?”

"Yes."

"What are they… doing in there?"

"What … do … you … think!?" The Doctor punctuated each word between gritted teeth with a vigorous rub of his eyes. 

"But… they're women?

“Yes, definitely. And I can confirm because I saw all of it.”

“No, wait, that’s not the point. Isn’t this the 1880s?”

“Yes. So?”

“Victorian … lesbians?”

“Remember what I said about history being whitewashed?”

Bill barely had time to react before the door of the TARDIS swung open, and a slightly pink face poked in. 

“Madame will see you now.”

Bill tilted her head to the Doctor, managing to only send a confused look his way before he walked briskly out of the TARDIS. As Bill followed the Doctor’s lead, she came closer to the lady at the entrance, realising just how pretty she was.

“Hi, I’m… with him.”

“Good evening, ma’am. You must be the Doctor’s new companion. My name is Jenny Flint. I’m sorry you had to hear that.” The lady smiled. “If you would follow me, ma’am.”

Bill padded silently behind the woman, trying not to stare too much at her. This Jenny Flint was… gorgeous.

The two left the bedroom, which consisted of very Victorian furniture and notably rumpled bedsheets, something Bill tried not to think too much about. They walked into a room full of plants and marble busts of beautiful women. In the middle of this greenroom were two rattan chairs, a glass table and a frustrated looking Doctor. 

“Vastra, come on, why do you have to wear that thing every time you meet someone new? I’m surprised you ever make any friends.”

Bill could hear a low, angry hiss aimed directly at the Doctor before a figure walked into the room, dressed entirely in black. Her head was covered by a translucent veil, allowing Bill only to see the silhouette of… a … hat … underneath the veil?

“I’m really sorry for encroaching on your space. I had no idea where he was taking us.”

The woman floated over to the rattan chair, and Bill could not help but feel like she was being eyed up and down. She motioned for Bill to sit, and watched Bill for what felt like an eternity before she finally spoke. 

“Do not apologise for someone else’s mistakes.” The woman tilted her head slightly to the Doctor, but she had not taken her eyes off of Bill.

“Are you aware your dress is quite old-fashioned? It would have been more popular in the 1810s.”

“We were just back there, actually. 1814. Last Frost Fair on the River Thames. Saved a giant fish, let a kid die. Learned that history has been really, really whitewashed.”

The woman in black leaned back in her chair. She gestured for Jenny to come over, whispered in her ear for a bit before turning her gaze back to Bill. The Doctor sighed impatiently, tapping his foot against the floor. 

“Can we just get this whole charade over with?”

Jenny clenched her jaw, her irritation at the Doctor almost tangible enough to cut. 

“It is necessary to the Madame that we conduct this exercise to deem your friend trustworthy-”

“She is! She is! I do a vetting process too, you know-”

Bill cut in, afraid for the Doctor’s sake that both Jenny and the woman in black would pounce on him any second.

“I'm gay too, if that's what you're worried about.”

All heads turned to Bill, Jenny’s mouth gaping open.

“Those voices in the bedroom, that was you two, right? I figure, in Victorian society lesbians can’t really be out and about, so you two maintain this whole… Madame and maid act. The veil is probably some kind of trust thing, like you only take it off with people you know who are okay with it. So… I’ll let you know I’m okay with it.” Bill trailed off, awkwardly giving two thumbs up to the couple. 

The woman paused briefly, before taking her veil off. The first thing that struck Bill about the woman’s face was a big, genuine smile. And then, green lips. And green skin. And crests. And a really, really beautiful set of blue eyes. She took determined steps towards Bill, offering a gloved hand to the shocked companion.

“Hello, my name is Vastra. I am a lizard woman from the dawn of time. Jenny is my ... romantic partner.”

Bill could only take the hand and shake it weakly. “Nice to meet you… You’re green.”

Jenny chuckled. “And you’re brown. A really nice shade of brown too… Ow.”

Vastra chuckled at Jenny, playfully pinching the skin near her elbow. “Courting!”

Bill smiled, trying to take everything in. Lizard woman? Dawn of time? Courting?

The Doctor laughed, clapping his hands and patting Bill on the shoulder. “You got through to them in record time. You have no idea how hard it is to get their trust.” 

Vastra and Jenny nodded. 

“I’m rather interested in what your first question for us will be.” Vastra intoned, tilting her head towards her wife.

Bill pursed her lips for a while, taking her time to look around the room. The tropical ferns and marble busts contrasted beautifully. Jenny was wearing quite a simple blue dress and apron. The only thing that gave away the fact that she had just changed into more… presentable attire was her hair, which had not been properly gathered into her bun. Some stray hairs were falling onto her shoulders, something which made her seem all the more endearing. Bill noticed just how much the two had relaxed since they decided to trust her. Jenny's arm had found its way around Vastra's lower waist. Where there was a gentle slope at Jenny's hips, Bill realised Vastra had none. Vastra had really high, regal cheekbones and scales that glinted even in the pale candlelight. There wasn't anything about her that made her seem too scary or alien -- even her green scales or the crests on her head. There was an angular, geometric beauty about her features. Most striking were her eyes, which betrayed just how intelligent Vastra was. 

Bill cleared her throat. “If you’re a lizard… why do you have eyelashes?”

Jenny barked with laughter, while the Doctor and Vastra looked very amused indeed. 

“Vastra comes from a civilisation of bipedal reptiles called Silurians, who inhabited this Earth long before we did. They lived amongst dinosaurs. There was a lot of variation amongst different species, but some had small, thin spines on their eyelids, which resemble eyelashes.” Jenny explained. 

Bill mulled over the concept of a society of lizard-people roaming the Earth amongst dinosaurs, and found it a surprisingly easy thing to imagine. Vastra must be really, really old. 

“And… how about you, Jenny? Are you an ancient reptile too?”

Jenny giggled. “I’m a human. Born in Finchley. Quite boring compared to Vastra.”

“Jenny is humble to a fault." Vastra held Jenny’s hand, squeezing it gently before speaking. "She was disowned by her family because of certain… preferences in companionship.”

“I was caught snogging Lizzie, the butcher’s daughter.” Jenny added, giving Bill a cheeky grin. 

“Jenny had to fend for herself as a matchstick girl -- by far one of the worst professions in Victorian England. We met when I was awoken from my subterranean hibernation by an extension to the London Underground. Jenny was the first person who treated me kindly in those terrible first months.”

The Doctor huffed indignantly. “Uh, you knew me before you knew Jenny. I made sure you didn’t murder those poor men!”

“I repeat. Jenny was the first person who treated me _kindly_.” 

“To be fair Doc, you are sort of a grumpy old man.” Bill teased. 

“The Doctor saved both of us on the same night. He knew, quite accurately, that we would do well together despite our initial reservations about each other. We have learnt to rely heavily on each other - I need Jenny’s streetsmarts to navigate the social aspects of our job -- the importance of which is incalculable.”

“And Vastra teaches me swordfighting, science, philosophy…”

Jenny pressed a small kiss to one of Vastra’s crests.

"We lived together as Madame and maid, as student and teacher. Jenny was the only person who understood and accepted me for who I am, and I, her. It was no surprise to anyone who knows us well when we fell in love."

The Doctor chimed in. “Guess what they work as?"

With a great _swish_ Vastra got up from her chair and pulled a single card from within the folds of her dress, offering it to Bill. 

In service to Scotland Yard,  
The Crown,  
and Our Majesty   
QUEEN VICTORIA;

 **Detectives Vastra and Flint  
**221B Paternoster Row 

Specialists in crimes of scientific and extraterrestrial curiosity.

  


“Detectives… Oh my god, like Sherlock Holmes?” Bill gasped. Her mind flooded with images of Jenny and Vastra investigating bank robberies and dangerous clans.

“It would be safe to say that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle based some of his mystery novels on our exploits.”

The Doctor huffed. “Uh, Vastra. You _are_ Sherlock for all that matters. All Doyle did was change your genders… and one of your species… and also remove the fact that the two of you are dating, for that matter… I guess all great art _is_ plagiarised.”

Bill realised they were much too polite to say this, but it was clear that Jenny and Vastra were getting more and more impatient by the minute. Bill cleared her throat, wishing to do the two a small courtesy. 

“Uh… Doctor, it’s been nice meeting them and all, but… maybe we should get going? I mean, it is the middle of the night…” Vastra and Jenny nodded their heads, silently thanking Bill for the interruption. 

“No, no, no! I came here for something _much_ more important than whatever the two of you were doing!” The Doctor gestured wildly at Vastra and Jenny. Bill shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Jenny averted her eyes, trying to hide her embarrassment. The Silurian, on the other hand, seemed to become more annoyed at the Doctor.

“Do you have any idea what day it is?” Vastra growled. The Doctor shrugged his shoulders. “It is Jenny’s birthday. You haven’t even wished her happy birthday!” Bill’s eyes widened. The Doctor barged into their room on Jenny’s birthday night. _Oh my god…_

“I’m sorry I could barely wish her happy birthday, what with the blatant nudity I witnessed earlier!”

“You barged in on them, in THEIR own room! On her birthday! Without any notice! It’s definitely your fault.” Bill squeaked, feeling exasperated at how insensitive the Doctor was acting. 

“Wow, so you’re on their side now. Great. I come here with important work and all I get is three lesbians screaming at me.” The Doctor huffed, his nostrils flaring. “Well, I guess I’m not welcome here. Good luck figuring this out.”

The Doctor pulled a folded piece of paper from the inside of his jacket and flicked it onto the table, before storming away. Bill barely had time to register what happened before he stormed off, back into the bedroom. She heard the TARDIS doors slam shut, then…

“Oh … my … GOD! DOCTOR! You are not going off without me!” Bill dashed off towards the TARDIS, arriving only in time to see the familiar blue box disappear. “What the hell!?”

Bill ran her fingers through her hair, staring at the empty space which, just seconds ago, was her ticket out of this foreign environment. She turned around to see Vastra standing outside the bedroom, a sympathetic look on her face.

“Believe it or not, you aren’t the first companion he left behind in our house.”

Bill groaned, rolling her eyes before walking out of the room. Vastra guided her back to the conservatory, where Jenny was poring over the piece of paper the Doctor had left behind. When Bill timidly approached her, Jenny looked up with an unreadable expression on her face. Bill squinted at the piece of paper, and realised it was actually a photograph in black and white. In the middle of the photograph were two bearded men, (one with white hair, and the other with mostly dark hair). Bill gasped as she realised who the other person in the background was.

Vastra swiped the photograph from the table, her gloved hand stifling a gasp. Jenny got up to stand next to her partner, their gazes darting back and forth between the photo and Bill. 

“Do you know who these people are, Bill?” Jenny whispered.

“I cannot fucking believe it!” Bill yelled. 

“Neither can we.”

“That’s Engels, right? Friedrich Engels?” Bill tapped on the photograph, pointing to the man seated at the right. “And then, of course, Karl Marx,” Bill looked up to see Vastra and Jenny nodding intensely. “And then…”

Vastra took a step back, holding the picture up next to Bill’s face and smiling.

“Right in the middle -- that’s _you,_ Bill. How in the goddess’ name did you end up in here?”

Bill stared at the photograph. “It- it hasn't happened yet, Vastra. I have no idea."

  
  



	2. Queer Name for a Queer Girl

“Bill Potts. A queer name for a queer girl.” 

Bill smiled at Jenny’s small quip, then she took a sip of the strong tea which Vastra had prepared for the three of them as they sat in the kitchen. Jenny was scanning the photograph with a strange device which beeped and buzzed, displaying rapid, scrolling text. As much as Jenny and Vastra seemed annoyed at the Doctor’s intrusion, it seemed to Bill that they had gotten used to his visits.

“How long have you guys known the Doctor?”

“The Doctor is an old friend, in the sense that we’ve known him for a long time, and, in the sense that he’s much, much older than you could imagine.” Vastra intoned.

“Even older than you?”

“I think even he has lost track of his own age. I’m a hundred and three human years, if you don’t count the time I spent in hibernation. I suspect that is just a fraction of the Doctor’s age.”

Jenny looked up from her device. “I’m twenty four today, which is actually a little older than Vastra’s age in human terms!”

Bill chuckled. "Happy Birthday, Jenny."

“Any luck, my dear?” Vastra looked over Jenny’s shoulder at the device.

Jenny shook her head and passed the device to Vastra, then turned her attention to Bill. “This isn’t extraterrestrial, or psychic or anything like that. It’s just a plain old photograph. Although I do have to say, Mr Marx looks quite happy in this photo.”

“Do you guys know him, by any chance?”

"Not really, no. Although I'm 'alfway through my second reading of Das Kapital and I have to say I'm becoming more of a Marxian meself!"

Vastra tilted her head to the side. “You don’t look Martian to me!”

Jenny was about to correct her wife when she saw a hint of cheekiness in the Silurian’s composure. She opted to bump shoulders with her instead. 

The Silurian turned her attention to Bill. “I am quite dismissive of human academia, as most of it is riddled with inaccuracies and dangerous assumptions. But I have yet to read any of Marx’s works. Although I am impartial to anything that Jenny says she likes.”

“I think Marx is special. ‘e really seems to care about poor folk, the proletariat. And I think ‘is explanation about the alienation of labour and exploitation to create surplus is the work of a genius!” Jenny was clearly a fan. “‘ow about you, Bill? What you got to do with ol’ Marx ‘ere, ay?”

“I… I haven’t really read his books, though I did once date a girl from the uni who was really into Capital and Grundrisse and all that. I mean, I’m in the university union and I vote Labour, but that’s about it really. Marx is _really_ controversial in the future, I would never have guessed I would have any reason to be involved with him.”

“You mentioned university? Are you a student, Bill?” Vastra asked.

“No, I didn’t do well enough for my A’s to get into any good courses, plus I don’t really have much money to go to uni anyways. I only got to know of the Doctor because I used to sneak into lectures during my breaks serving food at the uni canteen. His classes were awesome.”

“The Doctor does not choose his companions randomly. He must have found you special.”

Bill furrowed her eyebrows and shrugged. She still didn’t understand what made her stand out, or why the Doctor picked her. But she wasn’t one to question a good thing.

Bill watched Jenny bring two folders over to the table. Within it were sheafs of paper, some maps, long lists of names and addresses, as well as photographs. Jenny rifled through them, pulling out certain documents and transferring them to the other empty folder. 

“If it’s alright with you, Vastra and I will probably treat this like another case to solve -- that’s the best way we go about doing this kind of thing, even if it’s brought to us by the Doctor.” 

Vastra hauled two big briefcases into the room. They were sturdy and made of leather. As she clicked them open, Bill could see glints of smooth chrome and brass surfaces from within.

“Now, Ms Potts, are you acquainted with The Doctor’s sonic screwdriver?”

“Yeah, that big noisy pen thingy? The one that goes sort of …” Bill did her best sonic impression, earning a giggle from Jenny.

“Yes. The Doctor relies on it quite heavily in his travels, to open doors and the like. The scientific principles behind it are quite simple, honestly, although their implementation requires a bit of Timelord ingenuity and some rare materials. But once you get the necessary components, you can make any number of useful devices with it.”

Bill went over to get a better look at the items in the suitcase, and saw all manner of gadgets and gizmos. It was obvious that there were matching parts amongst the different gadgets which might have belonged to a larger, more cohesive device in the past, but they had been taken apart and fitted with brass implements and turned into new gadgets, screens and oscilloscopes and even antennae which were mixed and matched together. 

Jenny reached between Vastra and Bill to strap in the device she had been using, and Bill noticed that it was probably another one of these cleverly fashioned devices. 

“What, so how did you guys get all of these bits and bobs? From the Doctor, then?”

“The Doctor might have lent us some of his knicknacks, yes, but most of these we got from our encounters with the aliens we encounter often in our line of work. And as for fixing them together to make new devices…”

Jenny swiped a wand-shaped brass implement and flicked a switch on it, causing it to start humming and glowing. She pointed it at Bill and made a big show of furrowing her brow into a look of faux curiosity and cheekiness.

“I am one thousand and fifty five years old, I travel in a big blue box and I come from outer space! My name shall never be known but you may call me… The Engineer! And I am the protector of this Earth and all the beings on it!”

Bill and Vastra laughed as Jenny dropped the act and switched the device off once more.

“I’ve got a knack for learnin’ all about machines, and we’ve got friends who do metalwork and the sort, so I’ve learned to pull things apart, put them together again. Most of them don’t work, really, but when the Doctor comes he lends us these instruction manuals, see, and it’s easy enough to understand machines when you’ve got the manuals for ‘em!”

“Manuals! It’s like IKEA from outer space!” Bill exclaimed, only to be met with blank stares from Jenny and Vastra. 

“Right. No IKEA in Victorian London, gotta take note of that. So, what are you two planning on doing?”

Vastra pulled out some of the maps and a few pamphlets out of the folder and displayed them on the table.

“Tomorrow, we shall go to Scotland Yard and inquire upon Mr Karl Marx and perhaps his dear friend Mr Friedrich Engels, to see if we can find their addresses. As for these,” Vastra waved a couple of pamphlets, “we can probably use them to understand more about the activities of Mr Marx’s followers. And we will bring some of these devices with us.” 

The pamphlets were recruitment posters for the Social Democratic Federation, led by a certain Mr Henry Hyndman. After the three ladies were done discussing their plans for tomorrow, Bill smoothed out the crinkles in her dress and followed Jenny, who guided her towards a spare room to settle into. A nightgown and fresh sheets were prepared on the bed, and Jenny showed Bill a couple of more time-appropriate dresses in the cupboard at the foot of the bed. 

“I ‘ope these will fit ya, they’re some of my slightly bigger dresses, since you’re a bit taller than me.”

“Thanks. I will need help getting into them, though. And… out of this one.”

“Oh, yes, of course. I’ll ‘elp ya out with this one.”

Jenny blushed slightly, hoping Bill wouldn’t notice, as she quickly undid the buttons of Bill’s elaborate dress, being especially careful not to accidentally brush Bill’s skin. After her corset was loosened up enough, Jenny politely excused herself and closed the door, about to make her way back to the kitchen to wash the teacups and bring the files into the office before she bumped into her wife. 

“Ey, you know I get a fright when you sneak up on me all unsuspecting like,” Jenny huffed. 

“Maybe I should help Ms Potts to dress tomorrow morning.”

“Are you jealous?”

“You seem quite taken by her. I’m worried.” Vastra remarked, her tone obviously sarcastic but betraying a slight hint of anxiety, something Jenny picked up on despite Vastra’s best efforts to hide it.

Jenny smirked. “She’s like us, she likes women. Talks about it like it don’t matter.”

“Which it doesn’t. It shouldn’t.”

“And she’s smart. She don’t know it, but she’s a great deal smarter than the rest for asking all the right questions.”

Vastra followed her wife to the kitchen, watching as she extinguished some of the candles and lamps that lit the way. 

“You like the smart types too, don’t you?”

“And I like the ones who are a bit different. She’s different. Thinks differently.”

Jenny slowed down when she reached the kitchen, bringing the cups to the sink and washing them. Vastra busied herself with packing the suitcases, the documents and the folders.

“And she’s tall. Almost as tall as you.”

Vastra scoffed. “What else? I’m sure you like the colour of her skin, right? Or …” Vastra trailed off, as she felt a warm embrace enveloping her from behind. Vastra manoeuvred to face Jenny, and felt her expression of envy soften upon seeing Jenny’s teasing features. 

“I like the colour of your skin more though. And, there’s one thing that makes her… not my type,” Jenny mumbled.

“And what would that be, my dear?”

“She’s not you.” With that, Jenny kissed her wife. Vastra deepened the kiss, leaning back against the table and using her hand to prop herself up. She was acutely aware of Jenny’s hands, which had moved from the small of Vastra’s back to lifting and rifling through Vastra’s skirts. Vastra broke their kiss, panting. 

“I must say, we never got around to… finishing for you. The Doctor… he … interrupted -” 

But Jenny managed to reach Vastra’s thighs, and pulled her drawers down, looking up at her mistress who seemed to have trouble finding the words to connect to her thoughts.

“I’m sorry? You were saying?”

Vastra sighed as she felt a warm hand stroking her thighs.

“We can continue where we left off some other time. But for now, let me prove to you…”

Jenny thumbed Vastra’s slick folds and revelled in seeing her mistress’ eyes close and her breathing becoming hitched.

“... that I have no eyes for anyone but you.”

Jenny made quick work of touching Vastra where she was needed the most, knowing quite well how best to please her wife. She lapped at Vastra’s neck, pushing her up against the table, which was thankfully sturdy enough to support their weight. When Vastra finished, Jenny slowed down but did not stop altogether, and built up the motions so that before long her wife had climaxed again, and Jenny was about to try a third time but the Silurian weakly put her hand on Jenny’s and the motions stilled. 

When Vastra had recovered, she regarded Jenny with an expression of shock and delight.

“Now, where did that come from?”

Jenny panted, shooting Vastra a lascivious look before whispering into Vastra’s ear.

“I’m a little pent up from before, and I’ve been wanting to touch you this whole night.”

“Right. Who would’ve guessed, what little Jenny Flint from Finchley would be doing on the night of her twenty fourth birthday.”

Jenny giggled, wiping her fingers on the inside of Vastra’s thighs only to be met with a scandalised gasp from the Silurian. 

“Should we go up to our bedroom, my dear?”

“No, it’s too close to Bill’s room. She’ll hear us if we…"

“Oh, right. We both tend to be a bit noisy. Well, the kitchen will do. We’ve settled for worse.” 

The Silurian grinned as she swept Jenny off her feet and settled her on the countertop, earning a yelp from the younger woman and a small pinch. Vastra thought for a moment and decided to waste no time removing Jenny’s dress, following her wife’s lead and getting straight to business as she kneeled down and found her way within Jenny’s many skirts. 

A muffled voice emanated from between Jenny’s legs. “Happy Birthday, my love.”

* * *

Bill awoke to the sounds of London in the morning. If she closed her eyes she could still pretend that she was in the twenty-first century. But she opened her eyes instead, and as if by instinct, reached out for her phone. Right. No phone. Left it in the TARDIS. And… there wouldn’t be much she could do on it, anyway. 

She found a nightgown to wrap around herself and a wash towel, before padding towards the toilet, trying carefully not to disturb Jenny or Vastra, which she could hear were having a conversation downstairs in the office. Alone, she could have a proper look at the house, trying to cement herself in the sheerly amazing fact that she was _in Victorian England._

 _That’s a Victorian bed, and that’s a Victorian door, and a Victorian lamp…_ but none of it felt the way she thought it would. In the sense that these items were all lived in, and she was expecting them to look the way artefacts did, in a museum -- cold and distant and … looked at, instead of used. 

She closed the door of the washroom behind her, and noticed a clawfoot tub and a sink, with both hot and cold water. It all looked very posh, and Bill realised that Vastra and Jenny must be quite rich to be able to afford all this. She set to work freshening up, trying not to stare too long at some of the products laid out on the vanity attached to the sink. One of them looked suspiciously like part of an army kit, a sturdy brown bottle with unintelligible printing and a photo of scales on its side. _Silurian soap?_ Bill thought, wiping her wet face with the towel before leaving the toilet for the bedroom once more.

Vastra was waiting at the doorway, smiling at her guest. “I will assist you with dressing up today. Jenny is busy with some of our household chores. When you are done with the undergarments and have stepped into the underskirt,” Vastra gestured to a plain white skirt, “I will assist you with the rest of the ensemble.”

Bill piped up. “Thank y-”

“No problem. I understand how it must be like to feel completely foreign in such a strange time. And it took me a while to get used to which skirts fit where. But hopefully in time you will be able to appreciate the beauty of these dresses and their many layers.” Vastra said, gently patting Bill on the shoulder and waiting outside the room. 

After Bill had gotten dressed with Vastra’s help, they made their way downstairs where Jenny had laid out some food for all of them. At the head of the table was some raw meat and a burgundy glass of wine, next to it was a plate of leafy greens, steamed potatoes, turnips and carrots, and on the other side was a plate of eggs, bacon and sausage. There were some leafy greens at the side as well, and a basket of bread between the three of them. 

Jenny was wearing a waistcoat and some trousers, which Bill was not expecting in the least. She felt distinctly overdressed, watching Jenny walk around comfortably in her attire. 

“I wasn’t sure what you can eat, so I just cooked a standard, bacon and sausage, with eggs.”

Bill hovered, unsure of any sort of table manners requiring the head of the household to take a seat first, but Jenny had already started eating and Bill promptly realised this was no ordinary Victorian household. So she took a seat and ate her breakfast.

“You don’t eat any meat?” Bill asked, noticing that Jenny’s plate was mostly boiled vegetables, underneath which was a small amount of scrambled eggs. Jenny had taken a piece of bread and chewed on it between shovelling vegetables into her mouth. As much as Jenny seemed like a poised and uppity maid on the outside, her eating betrayed more humble origins.

“No, not really. Poor folk don’t really eat a lot of meat, so I didn’t really get used to the taste. And I just don’t like the idea of killing animals without any reason, especially if I can survive eating just vegetables. When we visited India, I found out lots of people have lived for hundreds of years without meat, and they were all the more healthy for it. This is me protein source,” Jenny stabbed one of the leaves and waved it in Bill’s direction. “Watercress, and the eggs. I read, you need all these different types of food, like proteins and carbohydrates, especially if you do lots of runnin’ about and the like.”

Bill tried her hardest to take in all of the new information. So Jenny and Vastra had been to India, and Jenny didn’t eat any meat. “Do you do a lot of it, then? Running around?”

“Oh yeah, and Ma’am says I need a good diet for all me trainin’, to build up muscle.”

“Training?” Bill conjured up a bizarre image of Jenny in a Karate Kid training montage.

“Swordfightin’.” Jenny sputtered, her mouth still full of food. 

Just then, Vastra entered, hastily taking her seat at the table and nodding slightly at Bill. 

“I hope you find your food to be suitable. Jenny is a vegetarian, for some reason, so she’s not used to cooking meat. Especially since I eat mine raw.”

“Well, you eat enough meat for the both of us,” Jenny teased. 

“Sorry, but Jenny just said she learns swordfighting? From you?” Bill asked, her eyes widening even more.

Vastra took her time, cutting up a bite-sized portion of her meal with a knife and fork and bringing it to her mouth. She chewed silently, with her mouth closed, and was the ultimate picture of Victorian ettiquette. It was in sharp contrast to the almost animalistic way Jenny tore into her bread, using her hands and chewing with her mouth agape. 

“I was a warrior, when Silurians still roamed the earth. So I am adept at most Silurian combat techniques. On Earth, there are two blades which most closely resemble Silurian weapons -- the Japanese Katana, and the Keris, which is a small, wavy dagger native to the Malay archipelago.”

Bill was stunned by everything she had learned about Jenny and Vastra. Interspecies, Victorian lesbians who spent their days investigating, sword-fighting, tinkering, running around. 

“We have training sessions every day, after breakfast. Would you care to join us?” Vastra inquired. 

“Watch you train? Uh, hell yeah! Of course!” Bill nodded enthusiastically. “So what type of fighting do you teach? Is Silurian combat all reptilian, slithering around and whatnot?"

Vastra jerked her head, trying not to be too annoyed, but Jenny broke into a fit of laughter. 

“Ma’am, she’s only jokin’” 

“I’m sure you will see that it is not _slithering around.”_ Vastra huffed, quickly finishing up her breakfast and moving to wash her plate, coming back to the table to retrieve Jenny’s as she finished up her tea. “Join me in the training room when you are done. I’ll bring the swords.”


End file.
